Atlas Conquered: starring Terry Goodkind as the Objectivist.
“Tenderness would not cleave his soul with anguish.”
“A thing rose up in him.”
“They will remove their clothes just before the attack.”
Co-starring the chicken that was not a chicken and the noble goat. You don’t want to know how long this took me. ‘twas a labour of love.
Terry Goodkind: I don’t write fantasy.
Margaret Atwood: I don’t write science fiction.
Ursula K. Le Guin disproves.
Anecdote: it’s nearly impossible to find Terry Goodkind smiling.
The Bigass Things I Hate In Fantasy Maps Post
Most fantasy maps are really, really horrible. Here’s some of the worst offenders:
Eragon-world: The At Least One of Everything Fantasy Map.
Goodkind-land: The All the Borders Perfectly Follow Geographic Features Fantasy Map.
Kushiel-world: The Not Trying Hard Just Like Earth Fantasy Map.
Middle-Earth: The God Made It Fantasy Map.
Narnia: The Inconsistent Travel Distance Fantasy Map.
Valdemar: The Place Names Sound Really Made Up Fantasy Map.
Westeros: The Conveniently Paper-Shaped Continent Fantasy Map.
Randland: The Copying Stupid Things Tolkien Did Fantasy Map.
The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms: The Fantasy Maps Are Mainstream Fantasy Map.
Christopher Paolini: I use my works as a podium to shove my values down my readers’ throats.
Terry Goodkind: Bitch, please.
I was running out of ideas for Hipster Goodkind. Then I starting reading through his interviews. This stuff if great, I don’t even have to make it up! I can just well, quote him.
Hipster Goodkind, USA Today Interview Edition.
My stories are fun to read and make people think. That puts them in their own genre.
If you notice similarities to Wheel of Time you are not old enough to read my books.
Fantasy lacks important human themes.
Readers should use their minds when reading.
A novel has theme, plot, characterization.
A murderer is a murderer.
The nobility of mankind.
Athem, by far the best fantasy ever written. You’ve never heard of it.
Every word is important.
Hipster Goodkind: Non-fans do drugs.
Hipster Goodkind: Plagiarizing Tolkien is mainstream. Plagiarizing Star Wars and Jordan are underground.
You know, I always felt, Linda looked eerily familiar
Today, it hit me:
I shall name the new creature Goodlindakind.
Wow. You actually made me feel sorry for Terry Goodkind. Good job!
Hipster Goodkind: The only brown people in the entire world are Mud People. It’s not racist if it’s ironic.
Hipstergoodkind: Me and Margaret Atwood have one thing in common and it’s not my lack of skill.
Hipster Goodkind: Repeat same old speech twenty times in one book. It’s vintage.
Hipster Goodkind: Soldiers getting naked and painting their bodies white is a battle tactic. You’ve probably never heard of it.